


Christmas Eve Will Find Me

by mcgarrygirl78



Category: The West Wing
Genre: F/M, Holidays, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-12-21
Updated: 2007-12-21
Packaged: 2019-05-31 08:55:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15116039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: She didn't care about any of that.  She only cared about the way he touched her cheek, the perfect pacing of their conversations, and the way he said her name in the throes of their passion.





	Christmas Eve Will Find Me

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

Ellie sighed in the dark room. She watched moonlight dance on the ceiling as her body still tingled. She was in Brooklyn tonight. After leaving the medical center at seven, Ellie took the train to Park Slope and walked to Toby’s house from the station. Dinner was ready when she arrived; Toby cooked rice and stir fry vegetables in soy sauce. It was his attempt at vegetarian and it made Ellie smile.

“Are you alright?” Toby whispered.

He was lying close to her, his leg covering hers. His head rested on her shoulder while his fingers drew figure eights across her bare stomach. It had been ten days since their first date…they had already spent seven nights together. Toby figured if he had not been busy with finals and Ellie with grant candidates, it would have been more.

“Very. I'm tingling.”

“Yeah?” he sucked her earlobe between his lips as Ellie sighed. “Tell me where you're tingling Doc.”

“Guess.”

“Mmm, here.” His hand rested flat on her stomach.

“Mmm hmm.”

“How about here?” Toby’s hand moved up to cover her small, but round, breast. Her nipple was still hard. He pinched it and her back arched.

“Mmm, oh yes, there too.”

Ellie turned over in bed, kissing her companion. Toby’s arms moved around her back and held her tight.

“Tell me where else you tingle.” He said.

“I actually want to talk to you about something.” 

“What's the matter?”

“It’s not a matter, it’s an event. My friend Daniel is having a cocktail party on New Year’s Eve…you heard about it on my answering machine. Would you like to come with me?”

There was silence for a few minutes. Ellie bit her lip, not sure if she should have asked. Despite the nights and their recent activities, nothing indicated that she and Toby were “together”. He might have no desire to meet her acquaintances or be a part of her life. For him, this could be something to fill his days until he returned to Columbia for another spring semester. Well, actually it would fill his nights until he returned to Columbia.

“Huck and Molly are going to be with me that week.” He replied. “I only have them for a little while, so…”

“Oh no, no, I completely understand.” She put her hand on his chest. “You don’t have to explain anything Toby; I know how important time with your children is.”

“It is. I have an idea.”

“What's that?”

“How would you and little Ellie like to spend New Year’s Eve with Huck, Molly, and I?”

“What? Really?”

“You're coming back from Manchester on the 30th, right?”

“Yes.” She nodded.

“Good. You two can come over here on the 31st. It’s going to be pretty low key with us; we have dinner, eat junk, and watch a movie. They always try to stay up past midnight and could probably make it this year. I let them hang out on the couch because we like to see the ball drop together.”

“That sounds like a lot of fun.”

“It is. You and Ellie will have a blast. Huck and Molly love kids and I would like to meet your daughter.”

She didn’t know what to say. Maybe she was quiet a bit too long. Toby put his finger under her chin, tilting it until their eyes met.

“Ellie?”

“Yes?”

“You don't have to say yes if you would rather go to your party. Sometimes its fun to dress up, drink from crystal, and have conversations with people your own age.” He said.

“I would much rather be here with you.”

“We will be happy to have you. You might actually get a say on what movie we watch. Hmm, with three women here Huck and I are going to be outnumbered. I refuse to watch anything starring Meg Ryan.”

“So noted.” She kissed his lips softly. “What do Huck and Molly like; what are they like?”

“They like snacks, movies, and hanging with their old man. Molly is quieter than her brother is…Huck can be gregarious. I need to sleep for a week after they go but I think the time really moves too fast.”

Ellie nodded. She took his face in her hands and just held it. Toby knew she wanted to say something but did not. He would not press her; there was time if she wanted to share.

“Are you still tingling?” he asked.

The question made her laugh. She lay on her back again with Toby in her arms.

“Yes, I am. You have a tendency to make me do that, Toby Ziegler.”

“How?”

She didn’t answer; she just smiled, holding his hand. They fell asleep that way.

***

“Ellie?”

“Dad?”

“Yeah.”

“Hi.”

“Hi.”

“Dad, are you alright?”

“Yeah. I wanted to call and see how you were doing. Are you busy?”

“No, I just got back from a lunch meeting. I was taking a break. How are you feeling today?”

“Fine, and I am not just saying that because you are a doctor. I feel good.”

“I am glad to hear that. Is Ellie keeping you busy?”

“She is. We made snickerdoodles today, you know from Mrs. Landingham’s old recipe.”

“I love those cookies.” Ellie said.

“I know you do. We will make more when you come home. Why aren’t you coming home sooner honey? We miss you here.”

“I'm so busy. It’s quiet here right now. I have been working hard so January's load won't knock me down. You know how my work can be dad.”

“You always tell me that you're busy.” Jed said.

Ellie was never sure if Jed intended to make her feel guilty. Maybe she just felt it and projected it onto him. One thing losing Vic taught her was that nothing lasted forever. She needed to spend more time with her father, talk to him, hug him, and tell him about everything that she thought and felt. 

Yeah, he would definitely hit the roof when he found out about Toby Ziegler. Of all the men in all the world, why did it have to be him? Why did it have to be the man who “betrayed” him? Her father would say she did it to infuriate him; she knew him well. Ellie was 36 years old…she stopped doing things to infuriate her parents almost two decades ago.

“Dad?”

“Yeah honey?”

“I love you so much, and I am going to take some time off in the spring and come up to the farm with Ellie. You're right, we don’t spend enough time together and we should.”

“I'm not trying to guilt you into anything honey. I do miss you terribly, and having little Ellie here just makes me miss you more. She is adjusting so well despite the tragedy.”

“Yeah, she is. I better go dad; I will see you on Christmas Eve.”

“Are you sure you can't come up earlier?” the former President asked. “Even if only a day earlier. Yeah, switch the plane ticket to the 23rd. Zoey, Charlie and the baby will be here.”

“I can't. There is something important I can't cancel that evening. I'm sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry. I will just be glad to see you when I do. I love you too Ellie. Work hard today.”

“I don’t know any other way to do it. I am the product of two workaholics. See you dad.”

“Bye.”

Her cell phone buzzed just as she hung up her office phone. The display showed her who it was before answering.

“Dr. Eleanor Bartlet.” It didn’t take Ellie long to know that Toby liked both hearing and saying her whole name.

“Hi there Doc.”

“Hello.”

“I'm going to be in the city today doing the last of my obligatory Christmas shopping. Would you like to have dinner with me?”

“Why do you Christmas shop? Is that an ignorant question?”

“It’s a valid question that runs through my mind frequently at this time of year. I'm buying a few things for the twins, and some friends. I don’t hate Christmas as some people might assume.”

“I don’t assume that. I just know that you are not a Christian.”

“Neither are some Christians, until the season arrives. It’s become so commercialized and mainstream that for many people it’s not associated with religion anymore. They worship at the church of Santa Claus.”

Ellie laughed. She drank the last of the coffee on her desk, luke warm.

“Dinner sounds nice.” She said. “I will be done here before seven. Do you want to meet at seven thirty?”

“Yeah. Its cold out so maybe delivery might be better.” He said.

“Alright. Toby?”

“Yeah?”

“Nevermind. We’ll talk when I see you.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah.”

“Its going to be on my mind all day now, you know, gnawing and eating at me because I don’t know what you will say later. I have an overactive imagination so about 1,001 worse case scenarios have already run through my head and by the time you see me I will be a tattered, emotional mess. I will be a shell of my former self. I'm not sure if my recovery is guaranteed. I'm an old man now and it takes longer for everything to regenerate. Do you want to be responsible for something like that, Ellie? I don’t think you do.”

Not everything takes a long time, Ellie thought of his prowess in bed as she laughed at his outburst. Toby laughed too as his mission was accomplished.

“You have…”

“What?” Toby asked as her sentence trailed off.

“There is this silly side of you that I really enjoy. There are so many sides to you, aren’t there?”

“CJ always says 626 but that might be a slight overestimation. We will talk tonight.”

“OK. 7:30?”

“Yeah. Bye.”

“Bye Toby.”

Ellie hung up and knew she had to get back to work. Her job was keeping her quite busy; it was not one of those things she told her father to get him off her back. She had only been at Hudson for a year so hopefully next year would see things settling down a bit. Ellie wondered if things with Toby would settle down. She was sure that the speed at which this ‘thing’ became a ‘thing’ surprised them both.

Toby would be 57 in two days; he was not a young man anymore. He had children, job obligations and a lifetime of angels and demons. She didn’t care about any of that. She only cared about about the way he touched her cheek, the perfect pacing of their conversations, and the way he said her name in the throes of their passion. He asked her to spend New Year’s Eve with him and his children…he wanted to introduce her to Huck and Molly.

He wanted to meet little Ellie and spend time with both mother and daughter. She wanted badly to believe that meant something. Ellie would not even pretend to understand the man, and there was no use comparing him to other men, but she felt in her stomach that something special was happening between them. Sighing, she got out of the chair, grabbed a handful of files, and left her office.

***

“Hello.”

“Happy Birthday!”

“You're two days early Donna.” Toby said, adjusting the earpiece in his ear.

“I know, I know, but things are busy so as soon as it came to mind I called. If not I wouldn’t have called until next week sometime. Happy belated birthday just doesn’t hold the same allure.”

“I'm with you there. Its nice to have people remember though, even if it’s late.”

“Where are you?” Donna asked. “Are there lots of people around?”

“I'm in a sporting goods store. I'm buying Huck a bat and helmet for Christmas. He is hitting home runs now.”

“That’s awesome. How are you?”

“Fine. I should be working on next semester’s class schedule but am instead reading, relaxing, and sometimes sleeping into the late morning.”

“That sounds nice. Oh God, a month off would be heavenly. Toby, I'm leaving the White House.”

“Really?”

“Yeah…its time. I've gotten so many different offers over the years but I think I just need to sleep for three weeks before I make any decisions.”

“When are you leaving?” he asked.

“December 31st is my last day.”

“How did Josh take it?” Toby asked.

He could just imagine the former Deputy getting moody, maybe even angry. Toby understood feelings of abandonment, he dealt with them a lot over the years, but the Josh and Donna thing was beyond his comprehension. How could you hold back someone you loved from reaching the stars and look yourself in the face?

“I'm not really sure. We broke up in March. I thought about telling you so many times, and I'm sorry I didn’t, but I just didn’t know how. Hell, you might not even care.”

“Hey, I care Donna. Don’t say that.”

“Thank you. I shouldn’t have said that and I'm sorry. I just didn’t…I didn’t love him the way you are supposed to love someone. Does that make any sense?”

“You have no idea how much sense that makes to me. Sometimes we try to hold onto moments in time by holding on to people and…this conversation just took an unexpected turn.”

“Let’s get back on the happy road, shall we? Do you have birthday plans?”

“I don't think so but I will probably spend it with friends.”

He used the plural because that sounded better. He had not even mentioned his upcoming birthday to Ellie. Surely she knew as they had been acquainted for over a decade. Toby didn’t know if it was even on her mind…she had to be on a plane to Manchester the morning after.

“Just don’t spend it alone or I am coming to Brooklyn to hit you hard. You hear me?”

“Yes ma'am.”

“Alright, well I just wanted to check in. I love you Toby.”

“I love you too. You're a real gem Donna. Tell Clifford Calley if he doesn’t get it right this time he is going to have to answer to me. It’s been a while since I kicked someone’s ass but he’s a Republican and I'm from Brooklyn so I think I can take him.”

“Stop it.” Donna replied, laughing. “How did you know; about Cliff?”

“Sam told me. I figured you didn’t because you weren’t ready. He makes you happy, doesn’t he?”

“Like I only ever dreamed. This is so right for me. It was crazy; one date and we both just knew.”

“Do you believe in that sort of thing?” Toby asked. “Love at first sight, or love at first date?”

“I don’t know. I know that I felt something special the first time I laid eyes on him ten years ago. This was just a refresher course. It can happen but certainly doesn’t happen for everyone.”

“I believe in it too; somewhere very, very deep down. I almost believe it happened to me once.”

“Good. I’ll talk to you soon.”

“Right. Merry Christmas Donna.”

“Thanks. Bye.”

***

“They're Christmas songs, yes, but the fact that it’s Nat King Cole outweighs that.”

“Does it?”

“Yes.”

Ellie smiled, sipping her cocoa. She and Toby sat on her couch listening to records. Yes, she still owned vinyl. A nice collection that had been cultivated and cherished over the years. It was a love she and Vic shared; his albums added even more diversity to her collection. He added a copy of Big Brother of the Holding Company’s debut album, which fascinated Toby for 20 minutes. He also couldn’t believe she had Songs in the Key of Life, Synchronicity, Thriller, Sweet Baby James, Dusty in Memphis, and Highway to Hell.

“If you're willing to spend a lot of money you can still get great records.” Ellie said when he looked at her with wide brown eyes. “Don’t you think it’s sad that our children have no clue what a record is. Even DJs use CDs now.”

“Huck and Molly don’t even listen to the radio. Everything is on the computer or an IPod.”

Ellie nodded. She leaned back on the cushions and relaxed. The rest of the week would be spent wrapping up things at the lab before she had Christmas with her loved ones in New Hampshire. Last Christmas Vic was alive and now he was not. Last Christmas they discussed having another baby, maybe a son, before Ellie got too old. Now she was alone. Was it too late for her to find that happiness? Christmas was supposed to be a time of renewal, wish fulfillment, and even miracles.

“Ellie, how is your father?”

“Hmm?”

“Oh, you were far away this time.” Toby gently poked her arm. “Quid pro quo…where were you?”

“Manchester.” It was true enough.

“Not far away from my question. How is your father?”

“He is alright. The medication he takes works well and though the MS has yet to manifest into secondary progressive, he and my mother work very hard to keep him healthy. It is only a matter of time if we don’t find a cure. You should call him Toby.”

“Its hard.” He sighed. “Don’t think I haven’t thought about it.”

“He loves you very much. You're his favorite though he would never say.”

“Charlie is his favorite.”

“Charlie doesn’t count. He is his son.”

“Yeah, that’s true. CJ is his favorite.”

“Stop it.” she laughed, gently pushing his shoulder. “He loves you, you love him, and you're both wonderful but stubborn as hell. You should call him.”

Toby smiled at her words, then it faded.

“How much do you think he will love me when he finds out I'm making it with his middle daughter? That is not going to go over well. When is the last time he had one of those, thundering, screaming moments? Jed Bartlet should have those patented.”

“I've heard tale that you're pretty good with them too. So…making it? Is that what we’re doing? Hmm.”

Ellie got up from the couch and walked into the kitchen. Toby followed her with his eyes, knowing he had said the wrong thing. When she returned with more cocoa he met her eyes.

“We aren’t making it all the time Ellie, but two nights ago…oh boy.”

“You call that making it, Professor Ziegler?” she asked, unable to conceal her smile. “I did all the hard work while you just held on for the ride.”

“I was also calling your name; don’t forget that part. That was one of my favorite parts.”

She looked down at the floor. The blush rose from her neck to the tips of her ears. When she sat back on the couch, Toby kissed her temple.

“We are doing more than making it Ellie.” He said. “That’s just going to be what your father might see.”

“So you're going to tell him what's happening between us?”

“I did not mention it in the Christmas card I sent, no.”

Toby put his arms around her, exhaling as Ellie curled against him and rested her head on his shoulder.

“What were you going to ask me yesterday? When we were on the telephone?”

“Nothing.” She whispered.

“C'mon Ellie, I don’t think that’s true.”

“Just hold me; I don’t want to talk right now. Soon I guess but not tonight. Please.”

“Alright.”

He held her close and they ended up dozing off. Ellie woke first, smiling when she saw Toby’s peaceful face. She could not help but stroke his warm cheek and be grateful they were there together tonight.

“Did I fall asleep?” his eyes slowly opened but they didn’t seem focused on anything.

“We both did. Come to bed.”

“That sounds like an invitation to me, Doc.”

“You will be asleep before your head hits the pillow.” Ellie replied, helping him from the couch. She really liked his sleepy smile.

They went to the bedroom with their arms around each other. Ellie undressed him, leaving his tee shirt, boxers, and socks as he fell again. She changed into her comfortable pajamas before crawling in beside him and lying on her side. It didn’t take long for Toby to spoon behind her…his body molded so easily to her own.

In his sleep, he brushed her hair aside, kissing her neck while murmuring something Ellie couldn’t understand. His hand rested high on her stomach, under the pajama top and she covered it with her own. In a few days, real life would burst the little bubble that carried them into the clouds. A part of her looked forward to it, while dreading it at the same time. This bliss could not last forever. It would be better to have the truth out. Even if the truth broke her heart.

***

Singing to herself was one of Ellie Bartlet’s nervous ticks. Tonight it was Angels, We Have Heard on High. It was her favorite Christmas song. Hearing it never failed to take her back to the church choir Christmas shows. Ellie sat packed in with the other altos, though her father never failed to mention that his daughter had a beautiful mezzo soprano voice.

At the time instead of seeing it as a compliment, Ellie always took it to mean that she did not belong there. She did not seem to belong anywhere. Even her father said so. How was it that she was not even safe from isolation in God’s house?

Shaking off those thoughts, she continued down the street. It was just drizzling now, which was good since she only had two hands. One pulled the suitcase she would be taking to the airport tomorrow morning. The other held a grocery bag and a sparkling silver gift bag. Raindrops fell from the bare tree branches, wetting Ellie’s coat and hair.

She hadn't done anything like this before and she was nervous. Perhaps that’s why she felt the need to say Happy Holidays to everyone she passed in the street. Everyone was pleasant; most people tended to be at this time of year. Crossing the street, Ellie walked halfway down the block and up the front stairs. Taking a few deep breaths she finished the song in her head before ringing the bell. In Excelsis De-e-o. The glass on the front door was frosted but Ellie watched as figure came down the stairs and approached.

“Hi.” There was surprise but happiness in his voice. At least that’s what she thought she heard.

“Happy Birthday.”

“Thank you. Come in.”

“I wasn’t even sure I was going to do all of this.” She started to explain before the door was even closed behind her. “Believe me, it’s not like me to drop by unannounced but I was thinking…”

Toby quieted her with a soft but passionate kiss. His hands were on her shoulders and he noticed that she trembled. He pulled away for just a moment before kissing her again.

“Your company is always welcome Ellie.”

“That’s nice of you to say.”

“I don’t say things because they are nice. I say them because I mean them. You can put your coat and bag in the closet. Relax and I will make you a drink; you're trembling.”

“I'm OK.” She replied.

“Still. Is bourbon alright?”

“Whiskey is better for me if you have it. Straight up but don’t give me too much.”

“Coming right up.”

Ellie went into the living room. It always looked dusty; a room filled with old but efficient furniture and large bookshelves. She shuffled around The Times, which was in disarray on his couch. It looked as if Toby had been doing the crossword puzzle at one point. It also looked as if he read the paper cover to cover. She was not much of a newspaper reader, preferring magazines and CNN.com. She remembered from her father’s Presidency how much Toby loved it. Leo was probably the only person who loved it more.

“Here we go.”

“You made appetizers Toby? You didn’t have to do that…you don’t have to cater to me.”

“Stop it, it’s just a snack. I was making them for myself anyway, as I was not expecting the company. Huck calls them cows in a blanket instead of pigs.”

“They will be here in a few days.” She said, sipping her whiskey. It warmed her immediately. “Are you excited?”

“I haven’t seen them since the first weekend of the month. It’s only a week but we make the most of it. You're leaving tomorrow?”

“My flight is at 1:30. I think I'm looking forward to this more than I ever have before.”

“Why?”

Ellie shrugged as she took a cow in a blanket from the plate.

“Happy Birthday Toby.” she handed him the gift bag.

“What did you do? Honestly, I wasn’t expecting anything. Especially since you are on a plane out in the morning. I was just hoping that we could spend some time together before you left but I wasn’t thinking that would happen either. What is this?”

“Open it.” she replied, smiling.

Toby pulled the first box out, small and rectangular. He tore the paper off, looked at it, looked at Ellie, and laughed. He was holding a box of Centrum Silver with Cardio in his hand. A very large box of senior citizen vitamins.

“Oh, you're very funny Doc.”

She burst into laughter, covering her mouth as she always did. Toby didn’t understand why she did that, he loved the melodic jubilance of her full-blown laugh. It just didn’t seem as if that robust sound could come from such a tiny woman. He took her hand from her mouth and held it in his.

“I didn’t mean it that way Toby. It’s just complete from A to Zinc, and good for your heart. I want you to take care of yourself. Pop one every morning with a glass of water and you will be surprised how much better you will feel.”

“I will.” Toby said, meaning it as he put them back in the bag and pulled out the second wrapped present. He knew the shape but tore the paper off. “Its lovely, thank you.”

She brought him a leather bound journal with his initials on the bottom in gold writing. When he opened to the center he found a gold pen. His initials were also engraved in the metal.

“I um…I wrote something for you on the first page.”

“You did?” he looked at her.

“Read it.” she nudged him and they both smiled.

Toby opened the book again and stared at her elegant and perfect penmanship. She wrote like no other doctor he knew. It must have been the twelve years of Catholic school. ‘Good thoughts, bad thoughts, or any thought at all. Each page will hold them like a true friend would. Never stop expressing yourself. Always, Ellie.’

“That’s very nice.”

“I'm glad you like it.”

“C'mere.”

Ellie smiled as he took her in his arms. She had quickly become addicted to his kisses. She did not know what she would do without them for six days in Manchester and then after. Toby brushed auburn curls from her cheek, kissing her again.

“Are you hungry?” she asked. “I have dinner and dessert in this grocery bag. I don’t want you doing anything; I will handle the whole affair.”

“I am hungry. First, I have a present for you.”

Ellie could not believe what she was hearing. She certainly did not expect anything and had not bought Toby gifts for any kind of reciprocity.

“You start in the kitchen. I have to go upstairs.”

She nodded, leaning to kiss him once more. Ellie stroked his cheek and Toby smiled before they parted ways. She felt really comfortable in his kitchen, which was filled with smoky woods and plenty of pots and pans. Toby loved to cook. He said it calmed him. He would sometimes make elaborate meals and then have to eat them alone. Toby once said he could flesh out Ellie quickly with one of his hearty meals. That made her smile.

He watched her from the dining room for a while. She was tooling around the room, singing in a low, beautiful voice. He could not see what she was putting in the oven but it didn’t truly matter. This would be the first birthday since leaving the White House that Toby would not spend alone. It was not as if the day went ignored by those around him. He received phone calls, birthday cards, and the usual invitations that he politely turned down.

Alone was when he was happiest, doing whatever he felt like doing. He could read, cook, or play World of Warcraft. The only time more fulfilling for him was time with Huck and Molly. Yet in 13 days, less than 2 weeks, he knew time with Ellie was quite fulfilling. It was not just the sex; thought that was something out of a fantasy and it completely filled him. A wealth of other things attracted him to her.

She did not mind his silence or his intensity; she could match it. He could talk about Marx or LBJ for three hours and she would listen. He liked hearing her talk about her work in the lab or a wonderful book she finally finished. They could watch the news, a really bad film, or a really good film…time moved at a perfect pace when they were together. Toby had not felt something like this in so long.

Contemplating it kept him up at night, staring at the ceiling. Sometimes she was in his arms, or he was in hers; sometimes he was alone. It had been too long to count since Toby felt this way. Decades, though he never spent too much time remembering that magical summer with CJ or the early days with Andi where everything felt perfect magnified by a million. There was also another woman, a girl really, whom it hurt too much even to think about. She came before all of them…she came before Toby was Toby.

“Didn’t your mother ever tell you it’s not polite to stare?” Ellie asked. She was reaching up into the cabinet for dinner plates. He enjoyed the sight of her bare back and side as her blouse rose above her slacks.

“Most likely, but since I was staring when she said it I paid no attention. Do all women have eyes in the back of their head?”

“Yes. The sense is heightened after motherhood. Come and sit down.”

He did. She set the table perfectly and lit candles on the centerpiece before pouring two glasses of wine. Toby wanted to do something but he was not allowed. Ellie put the plates down and sat beside him.

“This looks terrific.” He said.

“Its baked chicken stuffed with spinach and three cheeses on a bed of rice pilaf with broccoli florets. I didn’t cook it. I could not even attempt to cook it.”

“I don’t care. Hey, before we start I want you to open your Christmas gift.”

“You didn’t have to do that.” She said. “I don’t need anything Toby.”

“You will see when you open it that I really did.” Toby handed her the large box. “Go on.”

Smiling, Ellie pulled the top off the box. She could not help but laugh.

“Cute.” She said as she stared at the coffeemaker.

“Let’s call it payback for the senior citizen vitamins. Do you like it?”

It was a stainless steel, state of the art coffeemaker. What was not to like?

“I want to propose a toast.” Ellie put the box in the chair beside her and raised her glass. “To Toby on his birthday. A wonderful, multifaceted man who has seen his share of dark corners. To a new year filled with light.”

“Here, here.” He sipped his wine, holding her hand throughout the meal.

***

Gifts, dinner, cake, a nip of bourbon, Bringing Up Baby on AMC, and then bedtime. Ellie laughed as she and Toby fell back on his bed. Toby kissed her giggles, unbuttoning her blouse. His lips moved down as she shrugged out of the open shirt.

“You're definitely not 57 in bed Mister.” She said, moaning as his tongue slid across her stomach.

“Wait until I start popping those vitamins. Then I’ll give you a real run for your money.”

She laughed again, sitting up on the pillows as he pulled off her shoes, socks, and slacks. Ellie unsnapped her bra from the front, letting it fall off her shoulders and down her arms. She held out her arms for Toby and he came, giving her breathless kisses that left her gasping and wanting.

“You are a very beautiful woman Eleanor Bartlet.”

“I really like the way you say my name.” she lifted the sweater over his head.

“Eleanor…Eleanor…” he kissed her nose.

She finished undressing him and they lay naked together on the bed. Ellie enjoyed touching Toby’s body. The hair on his chest and thighs, the strength of his shoulders and shoulder blades. The pale skin on his belly that she loved to kiss and nibble. His power was obvious when he was inside of her. Ellie whimpered, grabbing the sheets underneath her. Toby’s stomach pressed on hers, driving in and out of her.

“Toby!” she closed her eyes tight, watching the fireflies dance in the darkness. “Toby! Oh God, don’t stop! Oh my God! Toby!”

He kissed her and Ellie clung to him as she felt herself falling. She wanted to know how he did that…how he could bring her to the brink of losing her mind every single time. Ellie Bartlet was not the wallflower most people believed she was. She enjoyed men and she enjoyed sex. With Toby she was on a completely different plane of existence. This was what her girlfriends giggled about in the high school locker room and the dorms of Northwestern University. Ellie never joined in on those conversations. She wanted to call every one of them now; tell them she finally got it.

“Jesus! Ellie, oh Ellie, ohhh!”

They climaxed together and Toby liked the sound Ellie made when she was coming. After a few minutes she was able to lower her knees, closing her thighs around him and wrapping her legs around him. Toby remained on top of her, pressing kisses across her breasts as her chest moved up and down with heavy breaths. They both enjoyed the silence after sex; letting their bodies say every word for them as the neurons in their brains relit and learned to fire again.

“I don’t want this to end with the New Year.” She spoke so quietly that Toby struggled to hear every word. He lay with his cheek on her breast and listened. “I know it might be complicated with our jobs and our kids. This kind of freedom will definitely be rare, though it was really amazing. I just...the past two weeks with you have been wonderful Toby. I think we could be good together; it’s been good so far. I don’t want to walk away but if you do then you should say so now. Don’t let me go to Manchester unaware. Believe me when I tell you that it won't change what this time has been for me. I want to be your friend no matter what. I also want to be your lover and someone important in your life, but you have to make that decision for yourself.”

She stopped talking though Toby wasn’t sure if it was time for him to speak. He sighed as she stroked her fingers through his salt and pepper curls. That was such an amazing feeling and he wanted to tell her so.

“That’s what you wanted to say the other day when you said nevermind?” he asked.

“Yeah.”

“Did anyone ever tell you that your bottom lip pokes out in the prettiest pout when you're worried or upset? Then you suck it back in so that no one notices. I'm not saying that to be an ass, it’s just the truth.”

“I don’t think you're an ass Toby. Well I don’t think saying that makes you an ass. I noticed it about myself, though no one has ever called me on it. How long have you noticed it?”

“The Manchester store front.”

“You've noticed my pout since the Manchester store front?” Ellie asked.

Toby answered truthfully. “Yes. Ellie, I don’t know what the future holds. I know that I enjoy myself when we are together and at this stage in my life I do not want to let go of the few things I truly enjoy. I refuse to give up anything else without a hell of a fight. Having said that…”

“Don’t say anything else.”

“You don’t want me to ruin it?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“I'm 20 years older than you, you know.”

“Twenty one and I don’t care. Happiness doesn’t have an age attached. Why should we be alone when we could be with each other?”

He took her face in his hands and kissed her.

“It’s a little bit funny.” Toby said.

“This feeling inside?” she asked.

That made Toby laugh. He moved onto the mattress still holding her close.

“All of this. Things happen to people; bring them together, and sometimes tear them apart. I've experienced both ends of the spectrum in my life, as I guess everyone has. It’s more than that and I'm not saying it quite right. I hate not saying it right. Sometimes I have to let go of the wheel and let it take me to where I need to be. That’s not always easy for me. Today has been the best birthday of recent memory and it’s because of you, Ellie. There is absolutely no other reason. That’s enough for me. Well, that and another kiss.”

Ellie smiled, kissing him until they were both breathless. She held him in her arms and listened to the rain tap on the old bedroom windows.

“What time do you have to be up in the morning?” he asked.

Toby was fading fast. Maybe those Centrum Silver were a good idea…it was barely 10:30.

“I don’t have to be at JFK until 11:30. We can sleep in.”

“I will make breakfast in the morning.”

“Charlie told me once that you are apparently some kind of omelet guru.”

“Well, I don’t like to brag but…”

Ellie laughed, kissing his forehead.

“Happy Birthday, Toby Ziegler.”

“Merry Christmas.”

Kissing her lips once more, Toby rested his body against hers and soon snored lightly. Ellie told him the truth; she said it and the ground had not swallowed her whole. This was the beginning of something; she could feel it. Her mind and heart would be with her family tomorrow for the holidays but Ellie planned to leave a little piece of her spirit under the pillow for Toby to keep.

***


End file.
